im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
