I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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