ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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