not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I look better un-naked...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
