sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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