is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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