u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
