My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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