The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
