ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
