Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
