I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
