walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
