new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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