If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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