What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
