Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
