I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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