I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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