Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
