It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize