Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
