Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
