The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
