I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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