why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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