So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
