Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
