I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
