...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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