Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
vagina is talking i cant
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
