Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
