I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
