i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
