were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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