Will you blow on my dice?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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