If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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