Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
