Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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