ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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