if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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