I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
