i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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