I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize