i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
