but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
