Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
