dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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