i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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