I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
