I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We're too hungover to prance.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
