I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
