tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
