what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
