If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
