I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
