You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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