i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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