note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
