At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
