I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
