He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
