you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she told me i tasted like america
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
