He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
