Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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