I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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