His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
