You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
