I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
