Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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