and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
