I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
