I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
