for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
