I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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